How do I talk to teachers about including more anti-racism without being labeled “that parent”?

Here’s some thoughts on why that label sticks: sometimes we’re asking for systemic changes (curriculum, policies, whole-school practices) but directing them at one individual educator who may not have the power to fix them. Sometimes we show up with problems but no solutions, and it lands as adversarial instead of collaborative. Sometimes educators themselves are holding on tight to power as teaching, for some, is an identity rooted in being the one who “knows best” and is the authority. And oftentimes, educators are simply exhausted. Teaching is feminized labour, undervalued, underpaid, and under-resourced. In a system designed to fail, many educators are just doing their best to make it through the day.

None of this erases the fact that schools are not doing enough on anti-racism. And though, if we want to be heard, it helps to understand the dynamics at play.

So what can you do?

Start small, start genuine, and start with partnership. Here are some practical ways to approach these conversations with teachers:

• Intention reflection. Before you reach out, pause. Get clear on why you’re approaching this. (Read last month’s blog post and the section on intention.) Are you trying to prove moral superiority, or are you trying to create a safer classroom for all kids? Go in grounded, not adversarial.
• Tone check: Reflective and collaborative – This is not about winning, but about building safety and belonging.

• Know the policy. Check your school or district’s anti-racism or equity policy (if they have one). Referencing it grounds your request in the school’s own commitments.
• Tone check: Strengths-based – Approach as someone who cares and wants to contribute to an inclusive school environment. Don’t use the policy as a weapon to point out how they’re failing.

• Lead with curiosity. Ask: What are you already doing around anti-racism and inclusion? Give them a chance to share before assuming nothing is happening.
• Tone check: Open and curious – You’re seeking understanding, not trying to trap them. Curiosity lowers defenses and creates space for honesty.

• Offer collaboration, not just critique. Instead of dropping the issue in their lap and running, bring concrete, “plug-and-play” solutions like:
  • MAR Diverse Book Baskets (ordering re-opening soon!)
  • A short article, video, or resource you’ve found
  • Your time, such as researching, purchasing, or even volunteering to support implementation
• Tone check: Generous and supportive – Show you’re willing to share the load, not pile more on.

• Ask what they need. “How can I help?” is one of the most disarming and productive questions you can ask and practice.
• Tone check: Partnership – You’re signalling you want to work with them, not against them.

• Team up. If you’re a BIPOC parent, consider partnering with an allied white parent. White parents are often given more legitimacy when raising these concerns with white teachers. It’s unfair, but it’s reality.
• Tone check: Strategic and communal – This isn’t about playing respectability politics; it’s about leveraging privilege to open doors that should never have been closed in the first place.

From Concern to Action

The more we show up as partners, the greater the chance we have of helping educators make classrooms safer for all kids.

And you don’t have to stop at your child’s classroom.

Join MAR’s Educational Advocacy Team. Together, we’re building resources for families, bringing learning to schools, and working to shift policy. If you’ve already created something we could amplify, or if you’d like to help us create new resources, we’d love to collaborate.

Reach out to Volunteer@MomsAgainstRacism.ca to get involved.

Final Thoughts

Advocating for anti-racist and inclusive classrooms is never simple. The system wasn’t built for this work, and parents who push for change will often meet resistance. That’s why how we show up matters. When we approach with grounding, curiosity, and collaboration, we increase the chances of being heard as a partner rather than dismissed as “that parent.”

This is a starting place, not the whole journey. Kindness doesn’t mean letting go of accountability. Sometimes it takes repeated conversations, sometimes it takes escalation, and sometimes it takes both. It’s not about pandering, being performative, or making ourselves palatable. It’s about relationship-building – the kind that creates long-term, deep change so every child can be safe, seen, and valued in the classroom.

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